One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize