You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
