3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
