I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
