She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
