Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
