what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
