Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
