You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
