Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize