We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
