just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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