I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
