he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
