I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
