You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
