Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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