Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
