Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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