he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
