is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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