i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
