That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
