Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
