you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
