just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
