The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
