Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Plan B is the new Plan A
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
