The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
only you would photoshop your dick
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
