hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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