i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize