God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
