i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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