I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize