so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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