Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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