Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
