Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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