I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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