i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
