Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
