He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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