Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
