Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
