Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont even know how to be here
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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