Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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