i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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