i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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