You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
