dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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