When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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