He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
