I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
