We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
