He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
