I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
