So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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