Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
