Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
