I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
