Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
a search helicopter?!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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