I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize