I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just blew my weed a kiss
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
