so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
